End of the Year Awards
Content by Tony Macklin. Originally published on January 10, 2008 @ Fayetteville Free Weekly.
1. The “I Must Never Have Met a Teacher, Because I Sure Can’t Play One” Award
To Robert Redford for “Lions for Lambs”
2. The “But I Can Still Play a Model” Award
Also to Redford
3. The “Following Fabian to Alaska Without Wife” Award
To Sean Penn, who directed “Into the Wild,” and was deserted by wife Robin
4. The “Rats Make Good Chefs and Politicians” Award
To “Ratatouille”
5. The “I Ate Every Pie on the Set” Award
To Andy Griffith in “Waitress”
6. The “I Ate the Set” Award
To Daniel Day-Lewis in “There Will be Blood”
7. The “I’m No Susan Sarandon; I’m More Chris Sarandon” Award
To Julia Roberts, who tried to play a Southern eccentric in “Charlie Wilson’s War”
8. The “I Really Don’t Need to Beat Up Men Anymore” Award
To Jennifer Garner, who was terrific in “Juno”
9. The “I Finally Can Put the Mark Twain Schtik Away” Award
To Hal Holbrook, who was terrific in “Into the Wild”
10. The “Won’t Anyone Ever Notice Me?” Award
To Jeff Daniels, who was terrific in “The Lookout”
11. The “I Can Be Forgotten Like Glenn Ford” Award
To Christian Bale in “3:10 to Yuma”
12. The “What They Made a Movie Without Moi? Impossible.” Award
To Philip Seymour Hoffman
14. The “I’m 83, and I Can Repeat Scenes as Much as I Want” Award
To Sidney Lumet, who directed “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead”
15. The “We’re 70, so Bucket You” Award
To Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, who starred in “The Bucket List”
16. “I’m 70, and I Don’t Want to Make Movies Like The Bucket List” Award
To Warren Beatty
17. The “Where’s Marlon Brando?” Award
To Francis Ford Coppola, who wrote and directed “Youth Without Youth,” starring Tim Roth
18. The “Take That, David Bowie, I’m the Real Chamelion” Award
To Cate Blanchett, who was incandescent as Bob Dylan in “I’m Not There”
19. The “She Sings Like a Sparrow, I Act Like a Vulture” Award
To Marion Cotillard, who was vulturous as Edith Piaf
20. The “It’s About Time” Award
To Frank Langella, who gave a deft, memorable performance as an aging novelist in “Starting Out in the Evening”
21. The “I Fooled You, Literati” Award
To “The Kite Runner,” which disappointed readers who loved the novel
22. The “My Next Movie is Narrating the Phone Book” Award
To Morgan Freeman, who is running out of things to narrate
23. The “Half a Good Movie is Better than None” Award
To “Talk to Me,” which fizzled in its second half
24. The Chuck and Larry Odd Couple Award
To Mitt and Mike
25. The “I am Digital” Award
To Will Smith and the modern world