End of the Year Awards

Content by Tony Macklin. Originally published on January 10, 2008 @ Fayetteville Free Weekly.

1. The “I Must Never Have Met a Teacher, Because I Sure Can’t Play One” Award

To Robert Redford for “Lions for Lambs”

2. The “But I Can Still Play a Model” Award

Also to Redford

3. The “Following Fabian to Alaska Without Wife” Award

To Sean Penn, who directed “Into the Wild,” and was deserted by wife Robin

4. The “Rats Make Good Chefs and Politicians” Award

To “Ratatouille”

5. The “I Ate Every Pie on the Set” Award

To Andy Griffith in “Waitress”

6. The “I Ate the Set” Award

To Daniel Day-Lewis in “There Will be Blood”

7. The “I’m No Susan Sarandon; I’m More Chris Sarandon” Award

To Julia Roberts, who tried to play a Southern eccentric in “Charlie Wilson’s War”

8. The “I Really Don’t Need to Beat Up Men Anymore” Award

To Jennifer Garner, who was terrific in “Juno”

9. The “I Finally Can Put the Mark Twain Schtik Away” Award

To Hal Holbrook, who was terrific in “Into the Wild”

10. The “Won’t Anyone Ever Notice Me?” Award

To Jeff Daniels, who was terrific in “The Lookout”

11. The “I Can Be Forgotten Like Glenn Ford” Award

To Christian Bale in “3:10 to Yuma”

12. The “What They Made a Movie Without Moi? Impossible.” Award

To Philip Seymour Hoffman

14. The “I’m 83, and I Can Repeat Scenes as Much as I Want” Award

To Sidney Lumet, who directed “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead”

15. The “We’re 70, so Bucket You” Award

To Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, who starred in “The Bucket List”

16. “I’m 70, and I Don’t Want to Make Movies Like The Bucket List” Award

To Warren Beatty

17. The “Where’s Marlon Brando?” Award

To Francis Ford Coppola, who wrote and directed “Youth Without Youth,” starring Tim Roth

18. The “Take That, David Bowie, I’m the Real Chamelion” Award

To Cate Blanchett, who was incandescent as Bob Dylan in “I’m Not There”

19. The “She Sings Like a Sparrow, I Act Like a Vulture” Award

To Marion Cotillard, who was vulturous as Edith Piaf

20. The “It’s About Time” Award

To Frank Langella, who gave a deft, memorable performance as an aging novelist in “Starting Out in the Evening”

21. The “I Fooled You, Literati” Award

To “The Kite Runner,” which disappointed readers who loved the novel

22. The “My Next Movie is Narrating the Phone Book” Award

To Morgan Freeman, who is running out of things to narrate

23. The “Half a Good Movie is Better than None” Award

To “Talk to Me,” which fizzled in its second half

24. The Chuck and Larry Odd Couple Award

To Mitt and Mike

25. The “I am Digital” Award

To Will Smith and the modern world

© 2000-2017 Tony Macklin