Iron Man 3 (2013)

Content by Tony Macklin. Originally published on May 5, 2013 @ tonymacklin.net.

I want my 4D.

I'm an American, and I should have 4D.

I've got 3D, but I want 4D. And 5D when it is concocted.

Who do the Asians think they are?

Iron Man 3 is in 4D only in Japan, China , and South Korea.

I want my seat to move, and the air in the theater to be filled with moisture.

In America, I only get the dry hump version of Iron Man 3.

I still get a glut of Viagra-inspired explosions. It's good that Iron Man 3 only lasts for 2 1/2 hours, because I'd have had to see a doctor if it had gone 5.

Iron Man 3 suffers from cinema erectile dysfunction. When it is good. it is very good. When it isn't, it abuses the senses.

Like most contemporary blockbusters, Iron Man 3 employs special effects to blow up characterization. After repeated action set pieces, Iron Man 3 turns the spectacular into mere facility.

Despite unending emphasis on action, the most memorable scenes in Iron Man 3 are about the character relationships. The best of those are between Tony Stark (Robert Downy, Jr.) and young lad Harley Keener (Ty Simpkins).

Iron Man 3 should have tremendous appeal to young boys, because they should easily relate to Harley, who engagingly comes to the aid of Tony Stark. In some ways, he is his equal.

The scenes between Tony Stark and the deceptive villain The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) also have levity and human depth.

Downey and Kingsley on set probably bantered about their Oscar nominations. Kingsley won the Oscar for Gandhi (1982); Downey didn't for Chaplin (1992).

"You only had to beat Dustin in Tootsie, I had to beat Pacino in Scent of a Woman."

"My Mahatma beat your cane."

"Mine is bigger than yours."

"Mine is real."

In Iron Man 3 the relationship between Tony Stark and Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) is predictably pat.

Paltrow comes with the baggage of being recently named "The World's Most Beautiful Woman" by People magazine.

Gwyneth, you shouldn't have your nose photographed in 3D.

She may not be the "most beautiful woman" in Iron Man 3. Rebecca Hall is striking as another gal in Stark's life.

Don Cheadle also is pat as Col. James Rhodes, who has become Iron Patriot. He's one of a skyful of Iron Men.

But in full form neither Paltrow nor Cheadle is as interesting as the voice of Paul Bettany, who appears only on the soundtrack as Jarvis, the cohort of Iron Man.

Jon Favreau, who directed the two previous Iron Man movies, has a pivotal role as security expert Happy Hogan. It may not be an accident that he spends much of the movie in a coma.

The franchise's new director is Shane Black, who keeps things blasting. He and Drew Pearce wrote the script that has moments of humor. They are delivered deliciously by Kingsley, and in tongue-in-cheek wise cracks by Downey.

As Stark says to Pepper, "I tinker." While Stark tinkers, Iron Man 3 explodes.

After the Biblical-length credits, there's a scene that brings Tony back to earth. It makes a wry statement about the movie that has gone before it.

It doesn't take Freud to understand other superhero franchises may have Iron Man envy.

Especially in parts of Asia, where Iron Man 3 in 4D stands alone.

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